MATCH.NOT
So against my better judgement, my bff thought my storytelling of my date was SO well written and hilarious that I should share it. Let me preface it by saying though – me even signing UP for Match.com took a LOT outta me. Why in the WORLD would I need a site to assist me in dating? Maaaaybe because I haven’t made the best decisions???
But alas, I gave in to it and am really not sorry. Even though…
It started out nice enough. We talked about each others families – interests. She was very – grab my hand to cross the street, opening doors, getting up when I needed to use the bathroom and when I came back to the table – very GentleWOMANly. Cool.
She was very well dressed. Smelled nice. I’m thinking ok, not too bad for the first pick off of Match. She kept telling me how beautiful I was. Like, KEPT TELLING ME HOW BEAUTIFUL I WAS. After the third time I was beyond flattered and falling into annoyance. I know, I know – learn how to take a compliment Miste. Over and over and over…
As drinks were flowing – me on my 3rd her on her 5th… she decided she wanted to sit next to me. Ok, fair enough. But then she kept with the hand on the leg, around my waist – too damn touch feely for the first date! I had to regulate. Go back on your side Miss or cut out touching me!
She kept asking, I’m sorry are you uncomfortable? Am I fucking up? I don’t want to fuck up. Are you ok? Want me to go back to my seat? Blah blah… womp womp. I let her stay as long as she quit the rubbing. Then she kept going in for the kiss… UGH!!!!
I gave her a cheek peck and then commissioned her back to her seat. I had had enough. She really like, WHINED about going back!!! ANYway…
Next part of conversation was her constantly asking me if I liked her, did I think this was going well, this was the best date she’s been on in forever, she can really see herself with me. Was I done now with dating on Match. YIKES!!
So I’m trying to reel her back into reality like, Well I’m not rushing anything –anyone can put their best foot forward on a first date, you still need a lot of time to get to know someone, I’m not putting all of my eggs in one basket so quickly anymore… yada yada. Her: But if you know it’s right and you can FEEL it you shouldn’t waste time, you need to act on it now… *record scratch*
So I told her to just chill. This is the first date and let’s just relax, not get married yet and just enjoy the evening without any ‘US’ talk. She was getting really weird. Kept asking me can she come back over and sit next to me – just became a pain in the ass. Oh, and informed me that now, after her 6th drink, she was indeed, drunk.
So we stumble her ass on out of the restaurant. She of course wants to hold my hand and look at me like we’ve been in love for years chile. BLEH.
I’m thinking this is coming to a quick close because we’re at the train and she LIVES in the city we had brunch in but nooooo! Of COURSE she wants to ride with my ass all the way to MY city to make sure I get there safe. GRRRRRRR I tried everything to get her NOT to but to no avail. I’m like YOU’RE the drunk one!! Take your ass home!
So waiting for the train she wants to pull me in close, trying to kiss me again, wants to hold me - just TOO MUCH!! So I’m trying to laugh things off like, now this is where you’re going to start fucking up –I done already told you.
Long story way shorter she is not the one. Too much whining about if I liked her, can I see myself with her, all that touchy feely shit, she was just TOO MUCH. I hate when people try to act like we’re in love after the first date!!! Even if you feel that way – chill son. Like, I don’t even KNOW YOU. From Eve.
So all in all not a HORRIBLE experience buuuuuut… Nah. Drawing board.
~Roule
